One Month Down

One month ago today we packed up our oldest child and dropped her off at the MTC.  It's already been a whole month, and yet it's only been a month! It's strange how you can feel both feelings at the same time.  It's a frenzy of shopping, packing, and planning... until you drop them off...and then you're suspended in this kind of "what do I do now" limbo.  I imagine it's like training for a marathon and then wondering what do do when the race is over.

I'll tell you what I've been doing.  I've been living from Monday to Monday...and I love it.  Monday is P day when the emails come in, and it's my new favorite day of the week.  I heart Monday!! But as much as I love it, even Monday poses a unique challenge to my life now. 

It begins on Thursday night when the anticipation begins to build.  By Friday I am excited! It's the weekend...and we all know what follows the weekend, right? Monday! (Da Da Daaaa!!) Saturday is busy and Sunday is my spirit filled day, being with my ward family, many of whom are in my same tempermental boat! Regardless of whether I've already sent something that week, each Sunday night finds me sending an email, so Missionary Girl will have something in her inbox when she gets to the library on Monday.  I have a hard time sleeping on Sunday nights, because I know...I know, that tomorrow's the day! I don't have an email waiting for me when I get up  in the morning, but it comes soon enough, and it makes me smile for days afterward.

So wherein lies the challenging part, you ask? Well,  let me explain.  No, that takes too long, let me sum up! (Ten points if you can name the movie that line is from!)  The challenge is in  the email itself.  I anticipate it's arrival for days, and yet, when the inbox lights up, I am both ecstatic and let down.  Ecstatic because it's here...news from my girl...a happy, funny, heart felt, spirit filled letter, full of ups and downs, and love.  Love for us, love for the people of Saratoga Springs, love for the missionaries and love for the Lord.  I'm all good once I hear from her and know she's okay.  The only thing that steals a sliver of joy from me is the fact that that's it...until next Monday.  The anticipation begins nearly as soon as it ends. 

Now don't get me wrong, I live on each email for days, reading and rereading each thing she says.  I send them to her grandparents and aunts and uncles.  I edit them and post them on her blog.  I deal with my husband giving me a hard time about getting nothing else done because it's P day, and I start composing in my head the next letter or package I'll be sending.  I'm on an email high for a few days, and then I begin waiting for the next one.

 I would not have been good in the days of old, when letters came every few months, if they came at all.  Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when he placed me in this age of technological advancement.  (He probably just didn't want to deal with my whining about letters!)  When she was set apart as a missionary, Missionary Girl was counseled to be faithful in her letter writing and to 'never miss a week.'  So I am thankful.  I have been incredibly blessed to get wonderful, descriptive letters and to hear her thoughts and feelings.  This way I get to with her on this amazing missionary journey.

18 Fast Sundays

Thanks to Donny Osmond and his version of 'Seasons of Love', I know there are 525,600 minutes in a year.  Sister missionaries serve for a year and a half, which would make a grand total of 788,400 minutes.  It's a good thing I'm not counting minutes, because that's a lot of minutes! (Sorry moms of elders, your numbers just go up from here...1,051,200).  Nope, I'm not counting minutes, or even days...I can't do it.
First of all, I am severely count-down challenged. I can't even manage to get all 25 doors open on the advent calendar at Christmas time.  Every time we make a red and green paper chain I find myself cutting off several links at a time to make up for the days I've forgotten. Last year we still had four chain links hanging on the door on Christmas Eve.  Seriously, I'm just not good at it!  But more important than my little disorder is my lack of desire for self inflicted torture! 534 days of meticulously ticking off boxes would seem like an eternity to me...and though eternity is truly what I'm all about in many aspects of my life, I have no use for it when waiting for my missionary! (712 days for the boys, but who's counting?)

So am I just wandering around with my head in the clouds and no coping method for the passing of time? Um...no.  If you've read any of my other blog posts regarding my obsession desire to support my missionary, I'm sure you've figured that out.  When I am looking forward to something, I don't break it down into it's smallest divisor, I build it up into a number that doesn't seem so daunting.  I've always been that way.  I blame it on the ability to play mind games with myself...it comes in handy every now and then.  Ironically enough, it took a friend to point this out to me.

I'll admit I was a little freaked out before Missionary Girl left (okay, still am periodically).  I couldn't imagine not seeing her or talking to her for a year and a half.  A year.  And a half.  It was during one of those said freak outs that my friend Tammy wisely said, "just think of it as 18 fast Sundays."  That made perfect sense to my afore mentioned logic and I grabbed hold of that with both hands.  525,600 has eleven syllables in it, 534 has six...18 has two! Two! So much better...am I right?!

At first I just focused on the countdown aspect of this brilliant plan.  I mean, honestly, how many times have you thought, "oh, it's fast Sunday again?...it seems like we just had it!"  Maybe I'm alone in that, and if I am, you should know I've matured a lot since those days and I don't feel that way anymore.  True story.
Nonetheless, it comes around.

But here's the best part.  Here's where we go from simply marking time to making a difference.  We get 18 (or 24) opportunities to fast and pray for our missionaries. Our missionaries.  The ones we raised.  The ones we sent out.  The ones whose success, safety, and spiritual growth mean everything to us!  We get to set aside that time each month that is truly devoted to them and has nothing to do with emails, letters or care packages.  A sacred time to pray for them, their companions, their fellow missionaries and their investigators.  The Savior fasted and prayed for 40 days before he began  his earthly minestry.  We have been blessed to have these few precious times to follow His example and fast and pray for others as they too go about their Father's business.  What if we included the missionaries in our wards and stakes? What if we included ourselves in this great missionary effort?

I miss my girl, but I don't want her to come home.  When she walks off that plane in 18 months I will be the first face she sees (I can pretty much guarantee it), but I want it to be when she has finished the work she was sent to do.  I've waited for her before.  I worried, prayed, and daydreamed about seeing her every day for 9 months.  I can handle 18; especially when I know they'll be the best 18.

Advice:

• Don't count the days...there are just so many of them! :)
• Do something you look forward to once a month.  Massage? Pedicure?
• Find an outlet for your energy.  My friend Robin likes to exercise...a lot! :)
• Let your missionary know you miss them, but don't clobber them with it! We don't want them to count the days, but rather make the days count. (I did not make that up, but it's pretty good).
• Be positive.  They're doing a GREAT thing.

 *In case you don't know, Fast Sunday in generally the first Sunday of the month when members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints abstain from food and drink for 24 hours.  The money that would have been used to purchase food for those meals (and usually much more) is donated to our church specifically to help those in need.  It is a chance to humble ourselves and remember where our blessings truly come from.  During this time we also pray for ourselves or others who have special need of blessings.

Awesome / Not Awesome

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...
Well this little beauty sums up my whole post in one shot.

The Awesome-
Missionary Girl got to call home on Tuesday.  By Monday night we knew it was coming, which meant I slept less than a 6 year old on Christmas Eve.  I really am ridiculous, but I'm hoping that eventually this never-ending adrenaline will have to start burning some fat cells or something.

I checked the phone every hour until it finally rang at 6 a.m. Kelly and I huddled around the speaker phone, talking to our girl.  She could only talk for a few minutes* and made arrangements to call us during her layover in Detroit, if she could. She was excited and nervous, nervous and excited.

It was such a pleasant surprise when she called again.  Her airplane departure time had passed, so I didn't expect anything; but...thanks to a 4 hour delay, I got my phone call.  I think it was the best phone conversation we've ever had! I probably talked to long and too fast, but I knew this was it until Christmas day! She sounded different already...more mature, more confident, more herself.  I was so happy to know her and be in her life.  I made it through the whole conversation without crying...until I said goodbye.  The tears and the cracked voice just came out of nowhere, but I was still smiling when I hung up.  That was Tuesday.  The only day this week I would have been able to just sit in my car and talk to my daughter.  Coincidence? Aww, come one, you know better than that!

The Not Awesome:
Fast forward the rest of my week.
Performances at school.  Teacher gifts.  Last days of school.  Jr. High promotion.  Friends in town.  Suddenly it was Friday and the most horrible post popped up on Facebook.  It was pouring rain in upstate New York...POURING! Had been for days.  Guess whose mom was supposed to order a rain coat and send it to New York??? Guess whose mom forgot to do it? You got it!   I guess you could say I took my eyes off the prize...the prize figuratively being my missionary daughter.  I mean, I do have four other children living at home, and they needed a little bit of attention this week.  Still, I felt horrible.  I still feel horrible.  She still doesn't have a rain coat.  I have someone working on it for me right now.  It's not always easy to find a rain coat to someone's specific wishes; longish, but not too long, good for heat, humidity and cold weather, cute, stylish, not flashy, cinch waist, hood, etc....

To make matters worse, I hadn't even sent her a letter.  I kept thinking I would get it done...and then I kept getting busy.  Saturday, I thought, I'll get it done on Saturday.  But then a last minute temple trip popped up with friends and I decided to go.  I felt horribly guilty for missing a letter on only the third week of missionary mom-dom (although, if you count the number of letters I have sent...but you get my point!)  Right before I left the for the temple, I got a reprieve from the guilt.  I remembered the dear elder I sent on Monday, before she left the MTC.  I had, in fact, sent a letter this week! I was still a good missionary mom!

So... it's been 5 days since we got to talk to her and I have no idea where she is.  Her P day is tomorrow, so I'm eagerly anticipating an email.  I confess I inadvertently lied to you all.  I said that the wait between dropping your child off at the MTC and hearing from them the first time was the worst...but I was wrong.  The wait between knowing they have left the MTC and hearing from them in their first area is definitely worse! Thankfully I was kept insanely busy or I doubt I would have survived it (too dramatic? okay).

I'm pretty comfortable with the fact that she's safe.  I'm sure she got where she was headed...but I'm a detail girl and I want to know it all! We live in the world of instant answers to almost everything...and yet, now that I think about it, the answers to the most important questions rarely come instantly or without a struggle.  I guess maybe 6 days isn't so bad.  Tomorrow should be a very good day.

Advice:

• Just enjoy the heck out of that airport phone call.  It's the best! Listen more than talk.

• Pick out a rain coat before your missionary leaves - especially if they're picky particular.

• * The luggage weight allowance if 52 pounds for State side travel, and apparently they mean 52 pounds.  Missionary girl spent quite a lot of time moving clothing from both of her suitcases to another missionary's suitcase because both of hers weighed in at 53 pounds! (Irritating, right?)  That is why our phone call in Salt Lake City was so short! Pack well Sisters!

Last Day at the MTC

I guess I didn't realize just how good I had it, with Missionary Girl being in the MTC.  Oh sure, we all know I cried like a baby after I dropped her off, but still, it was comforting to know exactly where she was, who she was with, and what she was doing.  I had been dropping her off just down the road at BYU for two years. I should have paced myself, that was just the warm up.

 For the past two weeks I've been comfortable in the fact that she's being fed and that people are kind to her.  I know the things she shares with others are not being ridiculed or mocked.  She's safe from dogs, cars, bike chains and frost bite.  I know she's surrounded by 5,000 young people who have the same goals as her.  I know every person she's met thus far only wants the best for her.  She's been in a spiritual bubble; learning, growing, and absorbing goodness of that great place.

Today is her last day there.  Tomorrow morning she'll leave the MTC and board a plane for Syracuse, New York.  I'm not sure where she'll settle and I'm not even sure when I'll know.   It's a little bit of a leap of faith...for her and for me.  I realize it's not Russia, or the Phillipines, but it's still a bit of my heart, moving farther and farther away.

Tomorrow the bubble evaporates for her and she becomes a missionary, missionary! No more classrooms with patient teachers. No more fellow BYU students pretending to be investigators.  No more dear elder letters waiting at the end of each day.  I know she loves it there and is sad to leave it behind.  But I also know a bigger part of her is anxious to get to New York and share the gospel with others.  I am happy for that.  If we don't put into action what we know, then what good is there in  the knowing?

I am a proud mom.  I am a nervous mom.  I am a mom who still sees my little girl in ponytails, giving her first talk in Primary.  I am a mom who wants my kids to fight their own battles, but one who stands on the sidelines ready to mess you up come to their defense should they need me. I am a mom who believes that my child has made one of the best and most important decisions of her life.  I am a mom who is fully relying on my Father in Heaven to watch over my missionary.  I am a mom who misses my girl.

Despite my deepest desire, I will not be a super spy passenger on that airplane tomorrow (but seriously, wouldn't it be great to see all those kids board that plane??!!).  My heart will be 30,000 feet in the air somewhere between Salt Lake City and Detroit by the time I wake up in the morning.  Her brothers and sister will be celebrating the last day of school and we'll be busy like always.  But every now and then I'll look up and wonder; did you land? Did you transfer? Hope you're not stuck in Detroit! Do you know who your new companion is yet? Are you excited? Are you nervous? Do you really know how much I love you?

I love you to the moon and back Missionary Girl. God bless and Godspeed. 

Hurting Hearts

Wednesday is new missionary day at the MTC.  I personally know three kids who entered last Wednesday.  Among all the new arrivals was a girl I had never met, but will never forget.  Hailey Mayle, from Colorado, entered the MTC to serve a mission in New Hampshire.  She entered with a heavy heart, not knowing where her older brother was.  He had gone hiking several days earlier and had not returned home.  Rescue crews were scouring the mountain trails trying to find him. 

Seven hours after Hailey entered the MTC, her brother was found.  He had fallen from a cliff and had not survived.  Her family arrived to give her the news. My heart aches as I think of the mother and father who said a tearful goodbye to a daughter only hours before they said a final earthly goodbye to a son. I can't imagine having to receive and then give my daughter that kind of news.

 I have faith that the atonement of Christ can make us whole, even after such a devastating loss.  I pray for this family and that they will be able to feel the peace that the gospel of Jesus Christ can bring.

 I am posting a link to the beautiful tribute Hailey wrote for her brother.

http://sistermaylecalledtoserve.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/pressing-forward-enduring-to-the-end/

Alphabet Week

Due to all the letters around here, I am officially deeming this week : Alphabet week!  We got our first email from Missionary Girl on Wednesday...oh happy day! Technically, there were three lovely emails waiting for me in my inbox after zumba.  After class I said a quick goodbye to the girlfriends, who all knew why I was grinning from ear to ear.  I sat in my car, a little sweaty and a lot happy, and started reading.  She is so good! She is happy and learning and growing and feeling the spirit and that's all I could hope for.  She loves getting all the letters and emails we send, even though I may have been slightly harassed by some people for sending too many! She also still  needs her momma because she can't find some things she thought she packed and wonders if I know where they are! Her letter left me reassured and comforted that she was being reassured and comforted.
(If you want to see just how good she is, read this http://narrativesfromnewyork.blogspot.com/  )

On Thursday I went to the mail anticipating nothing... and yet my eyes picked out the partially buried stamp that only comes on a personal letter.  A nice fat envelope addressed to her little sister and 'the kids.' Well, no one was home from school at this point and I want you to know how much self control it took for me to not open that letter! I mean, I really don't think it's illegal to tamper with a 7 year-olds mail, right? But, I waited...and waited...

Inside the envelope were individual letters for each of her four siblings. I will freely admit that after they read them, I read them.  They were the best.  She loves them, collectively and individually and bore her testimony to each of them in a way unique to them.  Here are a few of my favorite passages:

(Sweet Pea - 7)
I sleep in a bunk bed and share the room with 7 girls!
I love spending time here, even though I am away from my family.  It is because I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I want people to know about them and how much they love us.

(Bray - 10)
How is your minecraft city coming along?
One day you'll get to teach people about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They love you so much and will love for you to be a missionary!

(Q- 14)
Hey gamer Qdaddypwns, I know you'll love being a missionary because you get to do some acting in the MTC, pretending to be an investigator! It's super fun but a lot of work! You'll be one heck of a missionary .   Love, SisterMisspwns

(Ike-17)
To the next missionary in our family - be nice to my iphone,  it's my favorite toy and I love and miss it! I want to personally tell you how important being a missionary is. You're so confident sharing the gospel, I know you'll be great. I love you. Stay good!

She wrote to them about the things that interest them, and I love her for being so personal and taking the time to write them all. She is a good big sister and is setting a wonderful example for them.

Now Friday...totally not expecting a thing. But let me tell you what being a member of the former generation brings you (besides the love of 80's music and aerosol hairspray); an ability to judge from the weight of the mail, the type of stamp or envelope, if there's something good in the stack of papers you collected from the box! We didn't get emails or texts or cell phone calls, we got letters! And if your fiancé lived in another state, you learned quickly if the mail was worth going through.

There, in a cute yellow envelope, was yet another letter from the MTC, though this one was not from Missionary Girl. This letter was from one of her friends who is going to Russia on her mission... and she wrote me a letter! It was so fun to hear from her and see her Russian handwriting...thankfully she translated it as well.  Have I mentioned I love missionaries????!!

It was a great week. I think I sent her a dear elder every day.  The little kids sent letters in the mail and my big kids are sending dear elders as well. I sent off a package yesterday to New York, so it will be waiting when Missionary Girl gets there on Tuesday!! I doubt I'll be able to keep up this pace of letter writing, and I probably shouldn't.  I want her to focus on the work and not be too distracted.  I think there's a fine balance...we'll just have to discover what it is.

Advice:

• Take full advantage of dear elder while your missionary is in the MTC. You write them a letter online, it's printed, sealed and delivered the same day, M-F if it's in by noon...and it's FREE! (Though I did make a donation and would encourage other parents to do so).
• Remember, they only see email on Pday, but they can read letters and dear elders every day.
• Write to other missionaries you know from your ward! They all love to get mail.  They have very long days and it's nice to have something to look forward too.
• Understand that they don't have the time we wish they did to write! It's very, very limited.
• If possible, stagger letters from family so there's always a little somethin' somethin' for them to enjoy.
• Be positive, encouraging, and not to full of what they're missing out on.
• Encourage your younger kids to write to them. When they receive mail back, save it for them so they'll have it when they're older.
• Don't read letters to your other kids and then put them online...after the first time...

You've Got Mail!

Today is Missionary Girl's first P-day, or so I was led to believe.  The stretch between drop off and hearing from your missionary is torture! I have been waiting ALL day for a letter.  I am not, eh, how you say, good at waiting!! If pacing the floor and hitting the refresh button on my email were Olympic sports, I would be the Michael Phelps of pacing the floor and hitting the refresh button on my email.  Okay.  Moving on...

No email.  No mail.  I checked our mailbox at noon and at noon thirty I checked our neighbor's mailbox! (Thank you for understanding Lori!)  Of course their mail box was chuck full of mail.  I was not happy! We have NEVER gotten no mail, and today it has to happen? Give me a break.

Two hours dragged by while I did...nothing.  Just thinking.  Wondering why I don't have an email.  Refresh button.  Check FB to see if any other moms got letters today.  Refresh button.  Thinking.

Then what to my wondering ears did appear? The sound of the mail truck, traveling near!

(I know I'm a crazy, please don't comment and tell me that.  I know!)

I went to the window and stealthily peeked through the blinds.  'Twas indeed the mailman (or in our case, woman).  I made myself stay in the house until she put the mail in our box and then I casually walked outside, like, hey, lookie here, the mail came today.  I guess I'll pick it up...y'know, since I'm out here anyway.

Bills, bills, fake important looking letters trying to get me to buy gold coins, Bed Bath & Beyond coupon...and...one small envelope, tucked in between it all that read:  mom y dad (and we don't even speak Spanish!)  I did NOT walk casually back to the house, but I DID at least refrain from tossing all other mail into the gutter.  I may have skipped... or galloped...I'm not really sure, but I do know I was hugging that small envelope to my chest and having a severe allergy attack of some sort. 

After finding the right chair (I take these things very seriously), I carefully opened said letter.  This is how it began:

"My dearest, darlingest Momsie and Popsicle,

There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz!"

Okay.  This is just one more reason why I LOVE that girl!  Quoting me a line from one of our favorite musicals, Wicked! I love it!! She's at peace, she's happy,  and she loves her companion, Sister L from Texas (no rooming issues!)  She has already dropped two bowls of cereal...during the same meal, AND, her P day is on Wednesday, not Monday...which is when I can expect an email! Yay. 

My darling, dark brown haired daughter then closed her letter with music notes and:

"for you see my roommate is...BLONDE!"

Advice:

• Save the letters in a binder or box.  They'll be priceless to the missionary later.
• Find something constructive to do with all that nervous energy.
• Sometimes emails from the MTC lie are inaccurate about P day.
• Kindly ask your neighbors to collect their mail daily, so you'll know if the mailman's really been by.
• Let your letter carrier know how important it is that they are timely.
• Be patient and don't reprimand them for not writing... if it's only been 5 days.
• Take a chill pill (oh wait, that's for me!)

(Disclaimer: Sometimes I jest.)