...And then there were two...

In just two short weeks (from TODAY people!!), Missonary Girl will be home.  Two short weeks.  I have two Sundays left, two P days, two letters, two weeks.  With all these twos running around, I'm beginning to feel like Noah when he was asked to build an ark.

I look around and think of all the many things I was going to accomplish before she came home, and I know what lies before me is an impossible task.  I'm not sure I can organize my home, decorate for Christmas, finish the Book of Mormon, become more spiritually mature, scrapbook, blog, and deep clean to my mother's standards, all before December 11th....

...and that's okay...

sort of.

I guess I should have started, oh, I don't know, eighteen months ago...back when I thought 18 months would never end.  It does end, and I'm so happy, but so ill-prepared.  I sat at lunch with my husband last week, tears rolling down the face, pondering on how I found myself in this situation.  The day I've been living for is coming, and I'm not ready! I will be ready, to the best of my ability, even if it kills me, and I hope it doesn't, because it's going to be One Fine Day.  I will do my best and let go of the rest... what matters the most is that Missionary Girl will be home.

Pondering my lack of preparation has made me think of other big days that we need to prepare for whilst on this earth.  We have a lifetime to prepare for these days, and I don't want to be caught unprepared.  When the day comes to meet my Savior and my Heavenly Father, I don't want to have this same nagging feeling of not being ready.  I don't want to have a list rolling around in my head of things I have left undone, unsaid, or unfinished.  I want to have done enough, loved enough, been enough, to have condifence in the life I have lived.  I know the Lord isn't looking for perfection from me, merely preparation.  If I accomplish that, I have faith it will be an even better day than the one I will experience in two weeks.  I will be home, and that's what will matter most.

21 years in the blink of an eye

This morning my phone beeped and when I checked it, it was a notification that today was Missionary Girl's birthday.

As if.

As if I needed to be reminded.  Doesn't Android know... that I know? I really know.  I mean, I was there... just a mere 13 days older than she is right now (which totally grosses her out) and yet I'm pretty sure she's glad she's here, and that she is now, officially, 21 years old!

21 years? Twenty. One.

...and I'm missing it...

I missed her 20th birthday as well.  She was fairly new to missionary life back then and had just been in New York for a couple of months.  Now she is one of the oldest missionaries there and will be home in a few short months. She spent her last birthday with her trainer and will spend this birthday as a trainer... What a difference a year makes!

20th Birthday

It's great so see how much she's grown from last year to this.  Sometimes I read her letters and realize I need to step up my game if I'm going to keep up.  I'm proud of the woman she is becoming and so happy for the relationship she has developed with her Savior and her Heavenly Father. I'm glad she is where she is... it really is a small price to pay for all that we have received.

But...

I still miss her.

Me, missing her...
(If I were a smaller, whiter, cartoon character)

So to make myself feel better (and my eyes wetter, it seems), I've been strolling through old Facebook posts, text messages and pictures.  If I wasn't her mother it would probably be considered stalking, but since I am, it's completely legit.  I've laughed, I've cried, I've been thankful that this sweet girl came into my life 21 years ago.  And because these pictures have made me so happy, and happiness should be shared, I'm going to share some of my favorites with you. 

She's pretty splendid.

You'll be happy.

 You're welcome.

It is a happy birthday after all! I love you to the moon and back, Sister Curtis!

Happy 'One Year as a Missionary' Day

Hey there everyone, I hope you're all up for another rousing game of  'Beat the clock'... because I am.  It's an important day to me, and the words have been swirling in my head since the alarm went off this morning, but this is the first time I've had to sit down and write.  So, now I'm drowning in a flurry of words that have to be posted before 12 o'clock...because today's the day...the actual day.

One year ago today we dropped off our sweet Missionary Girl at the MTC in Provo, Utah.  It was the best worst best experience of my life!  It was an experience I had always wanted and one I had always dreaded. For weeks before she left I would catch myself standing in my closet, or the pantry, or the laundry room, crying over the fact that she would be leaving.  I would envision her walking away from me for 18 months and the tears would roll.  I wanted her to go, I just didn't want her to go...

But go she did...and now it's been a year.

A whole entire year.  365 days. Well, 366 if you count today...and I do.  

I have survived and she has thrived.  What more could you ask for? 

Nothing.

I can not ask for any better experience than the one she is having right now.  There is no better way for her to learn and grow and find out who she really is, than by serving, working, crying, praying, teaching, loving, wondering, trouble shooting, problem solving, handling, driving, friend-shipping, counseling, guiding, leading, obeying, trusting and believing.  This is the real world.

When I think of the 365 days, it is nothing really, compared with eternity.  It is nothing really, compared to the years some spend wondering who they are, why they're here, where they come from.  It is nothing really...and yet it is, because you give it your everything.

Missionary Girl has six months left.  Six short months.  She was worried the time would go by too fast, that the end would come too soon.  But she has reached a new peace and is grateful for the time she has left, and confident that she'll be able to move on happily when the time has come.  The next 6 months are all about no regrets.

She's going to live it up and I'm going to suck it up... I miss her, but I'm happy, because she's happy.  And when your child has been away from home for a year and has been sick, rejected, lied to, cursed out, discouraged, and is still happy...you can't help but be happy.

I may have been a little excited today, knowing it was her 'one year as a missionary' birthday.  I knew she planned to celebrate with her companion, because they went into the MTC on the same day...and I think they like to celebrate stuff.  When I mentioned this significant day to my 8 year old daughter she rolled her eyes and said, "I know...you already told me, psychotic missionary mom!" Guess what? I took that as a compliment.  Why not? If you have to be a psycho, what better thing to be a psycho about? So I am also celebrating one year of being a missionary mom today...because I am one and I love it!

The blessings to our family have been wonderful.  I have met amazing people from everywhere imaginable.  I've seen how much good there is in the world.  I've learned to depend on my Heavenly Father and rely on faith.  I have learned that I did some things right.  I have caught the spirit of missionary work.  I have a stronger desire to be better than I am. I have seen the affect of a good example on my younger children. I have learned how to use Skype! I have been comforted.  I have been blessed.  I have seen miracles.

Sometimes I feel this journey has helped me grow as much as anyone.  Being a missionary mom for the past year has been an incredible experience.  Bring on the next 6 months... I can't get enough!

She thought she was dying...and she was okay with that

Missionary Girl writes me faithfully every week.  She tells me a lot of stuff.  But, she doesn't tell me everything, and I get that.  I get that there are stories that she will save to share with me only after she's home and safe...because she knows who I am.  The freaker outer, the worry wart, the worst possible case imaginer.  That's me.

Well, to make my Mother's Day Skype especially memorable, she shared one of those stories with me. 

Missionary Girl had been sick around Christmas time.  She had a horrible case of the flu and no mama to take care of her.  She said she had thrown up so many times she was getting worried.  Sometime during the  night, she decided to take a bath.  This is when she noticed her legs were blue...completely blue.  In her feverish haze she wondered if she should call for her companion and go to the hospital.  She was concerned about possible amputation...because she felt horrible...and you know, her her legs were blue.

You should know that by this point in the conversation I was teary eyed.  Obviously she was fine, she was there on the screen telling me the story with two arms and two legs.  I just felt sad.  Sad that she was so sick and I hadn't even known.  But there was more to the story...

She said she thought maybe she was dying...

and she was okay with that.  

She pictured returning to her heavenly home and was a little bit excited at the thought.  But, bless her little heart, then she thought of me and how sad I would be if she didn't come home from her mission and decided she would go to the hospital after all, if she woke up in the morning!    

Well, she did wake up in the morning, feeling a little better than the night before.  When she felt well enough to start moving around her room a little bit, she noticed her white socks boot socks she had worn the day before.  They were also blue.  She picked them up and it suddenly dawned on her.  She had also worn brand new navy blue leggings the day before, and they turned everything blue! She would be keeping her legs!

He eyes were twinkling with laughter as she shared the story with us and we all had a good chuckle and talked about other things.  But later in the day I was dissecting this conversation in my head, as I am known to do.  My daughter thought she was dying...and she was okay with that.  She was calm.  She was at peace with where she was in her life.   There was no panic or focus on regrets.  She was accepting of the fact that this might be it.

I will be honest and say that my natural man did not like that one bit.  I had reprimanded her (nicely) for not getting to a doctor or calling her companion for help.  I had told her that, "if in the future you think you might be dying, please seek immediate medical attention!"  She said she would.  But I was still a little bit sorrowful about this part of our conversation.   

Then I had this thought, which I am sure did not come from me.

Your daughter is comfortable with who she is and where she is in her life...high fever or not.  She loves her Heavenly Father and His Son and is anxious to see them again.  She is a happy person who is working hard to do what she feels is right, and she has faith.

So I have been thinking about how I want to feel when my final moments draw close.  If I am aware they are coming, I want them to be filled with peace.  I want to know I have done my best.  I want the people I love to know that I love them, because of they way I have treated them.  I want to not regret the things I have said, the time I have spent, the life I have lived.  I want to be sure I have laughed and loved  and shared and felt.  I want to be known as someone who believed in and followed the Savior. I want to be someone who shared the gospel. I want to be confident I have taught my children how to return to their Father in Heaven.  I want to truly be prepared to meet my Maker.  I want to kneel before Him and have Him be proud of the woman I have become.  

It will take a lifetime to prepare for this, my lifetime, no matter how long that is.  I hope it's a long way off; but when my time comes, I hope I can be okay with that.

20 Things I learned in 24 Hours:

 Sending packages Version

1.  It doesn't matter how long the box has been on your bedroom floor collecting "green" items for a St. Patrick's Day care package if you don't mail it on time!  #willieverlearn?

2. It may not be entirely necessary to send a St. Patrick's Day package. #butitsureisfun

3. You can usually find a member who will let you rush a package to their home so it will arrive in time.  #thankyoumembers

4.  An hour is not enough time to make two stops before the post office...especially when you need to buy the cute Italian companion some wool socks...and you're indecisive about socks. #whichonesarebest?

5.  McDonald's does NOT sell gift cards for Shamrock Shakes unless you have cash! #seriouslybugged

6.  Because you're in the same country you can deposit Shamrock shake $$ into missionary girl's account.

#fromyourphone

7. The post office line is not the best place to write a letter and seal a box. #wheresmygreenmarker?

8. You should assume the Priority Mail flat rate box is $6 cheaper before you tape your own box together with an entire tape gun refill. #caniswitchboxes  #doyouhavescissors

9. You will sweat giant drops of sweat while the postal workers wait for you to get your $15 worth of stuff into a $15 box at 5:05 pm. #ourpostalworkersrock

10. The gallon of DietCoke you drank for lunch makes it hard to concentrate. #focusmax

11. Missionary girl sometimes gives you a slightly wrong address.  #notagain

12. Same wonderful members are willing to 'stake out' said address to attain the package. #covertaffairs

13. You forgot to go to the library #dontsendmybookback

14. You can wash, dry and iron an 11 year old's white shirt in the hour before his choir concert. #nickoftime

15. Great friends will make sure to transport your other children to church activities and home so you can cry at the sweet choir concert.  #whoknew

16. The library closes 10 minutes too early. #ireallyneedthatbook

17. Taco Bell is a perfectly acceptable dinner option.  #runfortheboarder

18. Some days are longer than others! #isitbedtimeyet

19. Everything looks better in the morning.  #itsanewday

20. Your local post office will charge you $10.95 to email the receiving post office to watch for your package.  If you call, New York postal workers will help you out for free! #theyrocktoo

(If you didn't notice I was gone, I was.... but I'm back! Real blog posts to come shortly!)

Happy Birthday Missionary Girl

Dear Sweet Missionary Girl,

You're turning 20 years old today and I can't help but wonder where the time has gone. You're not even a teenager any more! Wasn't it yesterday when I made you answer the pediatrician's questions yourself, or order your own food in the restaurant because you were so afraid to talk to people? Now look at you, you're out there talking to people every day...and not just talking. Teaching. Sharing. Boldly testifying of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. You've come a long way. We've come a long way. You've been easy to raise, easy to love and you're even easier to miss.

You know I miss you. I try not to dwell on it in letters and emails, but alas, 'tis true. Last week I was running around, giddy with the excitement of the missionary- birthday-planning. (I totally hope you loved the cake...can you believe I mailed a cake??) This week finds me less giddy, and more melancholy - I just miss you...and it's your birthday...

So to cheer myself up (and make myself cry it seems), I've made a list of 20 things I love about you. There are more of course, but I picked 20...because you're 20... make sense?  Okay, moving on:

1. Your sense of humor is delightful. I love our inside (and outside)jokes!
2. The movie quoting...need I say more?!

    "I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna throw up and then I'm gonna die!"

3. Your laugh! I know you're self conscious about it, but it's the best. So happy!

4. Your loyalty. You've been blessed with great friends, because you're a great friend.

5. Your work ethic. Remember those shrubs you hacked out of our yard?

6. Your tenacity. Some people use the word stubborn...but it's not the same.

7. Your courage. You do hard things. You're a brave girl young woman.

8. Your smarts. I love that you have a brain and you're not afraid to use it. A lot!

9. Your love of dressing up for Halloween...though occasionally I find your costumes disturbing interesting.

10. Your complete & utter love of BYU-because at 15 you declared it was too (and I quote) "Mormon-y!"

11. Your foodiness! Love that our 15 favorite restaurants are the same!

12. Your goofiness. You're not afraid to have fun.

 

13. Your love of musical theater!

14. Your love for Disneyland and Disney movies.

15. Your love for your family. Your letters to the kids. Hanging out with Great Grandma Curtis. Eating  with Papa & Grandma every Sunday at school.

16. Your love for the temple.

17. Your knowledge and testimony of the gospel. It is amazing and beautiful to me.

18. You're unwillingness to compromise your standards and settle for less than you deserve.

19. Your desire to be a missionary. You make us so proud.

20. That you are ours...forever.

Last night I saw the Sister Missionaries at In n Out...which is where I know you would be on P day...if  New York had In n Out. I gave them both a hug, happy that I could do their moms a favor (we're friends on Facebook!)  and then I realized, I was the one getting the favor. I couldn't see or hug my Missionary Girl, but I got to spend time with these two bubbly, happy, enthusiastic Sister missionaries, in your favorite restaurant! It was such a tender mercy and I felt blessed by the whole experience. I hope there's a mom in New York, who tells you Happy Birthday today and gives you a hug. If I'm really lucky, she'll tell you it's from me!

I love you to the moon and back, Missionary Girl. Always remember, no matter how old you get:

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always- As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Love, Mom

Blog? What blog?

Last Sunday in church one of my fellow missionary moms leaned over to me in Relief Society and asked, "so, are you not doing your blog anymore?"  I was simultaneously happy and sad! Happy that someone noticed I hadn't been blogging as of late, and sad that I hadn't been blogging as of late.

You know how it is, one minute you're curled up in the fetal position on your bed, crying because you're going on vacation and your daughter's Mission President won't know how to get a hold of you if there's an emergency...and the next minute it's been over a month and you haven't touched the computer....(side note: there were no emergencies, so crisis averted).

I really was nervous about leaving; it just seemed weird to me to not be at home with my missionary out.  I may have exaggerated the fetal position...a smidge...but there were definitely some tears.  Missionary Girl loves Montana...with a capital L...I was lonely for her while we were there.  And just to add insult to injury, my other Missionary Lady, my mom, who also loves Montana, was not there either!  But, I can freely admit, we had a great time!



Miss you Mom, Tina and Kenzie!


We were in a cabin on a lake...life was sweet. We had smores! We had boats, and Sea Doos and swimming and shopping, hikes and late night chats and even an attacking swarm of wasps. We had a hail storm on the drive up that broke part of my moon roof and dented my hood! We had everything...except wifi!!

Now I have never, ever missed sending an email to Missionary Girl.  Never.  I came close once, but that was because she went to the library two hours earlier than usual...two hours! Who does that? Oh, maybe missionaries who are working and have appointments to get to, even on P-day.  But I am getting ahead of myself, so you can read that story at the bottom of the page...it's a doozy! Back to never, ever.  I wasn't about to start now.  Saturday night I typed up a letter on my laptop and took it  to church with me on Sunday. 

Let me pause to tell you something about church in Big Fork, Montana in July and August.  It is crowded.  Like, General Authority speaking at Stake Conference, crowded. Every time I pull into that parking lot I get teary eyed seeing all the cars from across the country and the country next door (Oh, Canada!) jammed in there.  There are TV's in most of the classrooms, piping in Sacrament Meeting to all the overflow.  People in varying degrees of sunburned to tanned are off the lake and sitting in church...and I love it! My kids' favorite part is that after Sacrament Meeting is over, the Bishop stands up and announces that the rest of the classes are cancelled because the of the fire code and we all go home.  (Okay... I like it too...it's just once a year!)  The Sister missionaries in the ward were a little ticked because they brought investigators to church and then the last two hours were cancelled, but here's my take on that.  What a testimony builder!! People on vacation are taking the day off to worship.  People from everywhere! We're there because we love the Lord.  We're there because we believe in keeping the Sabbath day holy.  We're there because we choose to be. 

After Sacrament meeting I was able to connect to the internet (with the help of a teenager, of course) and make sure my girl got her letter.  I was able to read hers the next day and all was right in my world.  I was gone for nearly 3 weeks between Montana and Utah, and my blogging fell by the wayside a bit, but I'm back.  We've had a great summer and the kids go back to school in ten glorious days! I love them to death, but they do wear me out.  That's why sometimes I sleep in...which is how I almost missed sending that email this summer... funny story...here you go!

That fateful morning I miraculously went from sound asleep to adrenaline - induced consciousness in about 1.2 seconds.  I grabbed my cell phone, clicked onto my email and saw the words:  "No emails! I will be here for 45 minutes!"  To her credit there was no frowny face icon on the subject line...but I felt it just the same.  I jumped out of bed, paused to keep from passing out (because then how would I get an email off in time??) and ran downstairs to coax our prehistoric computer to life.  (Oh Mac, someday you'll be mine!)  I called my husband at work to let him know Missionary Girl was at the library 2 hours early so he could get his email off as well. I began to pound away at the keyboard and was 4 paragraphs in -when what to my anguished eyes should appear, but a deleted screen, my deepest fear!  I was stunned...I was horrified...I hit refresh, undo, help, cancel, what the heck, and are you kidding me buttons, but nothing worked! NU-THING! I had no choice but to start over as the clock ticked on.  I hit send at 42 minutes.  It wasn't the letter I would have liked to send, but it was a letter...and it counts! :)

I'm so thankful I woke up in time to send the letter.  I don't believe it was coincidence, I believe it was a little help...a little nudge.  My girl would have been sad for a week, I would have been a train wreck for a week, so it was better this way.  I learned to be more prepared and I will no longer wait until Monday morning to send an email...because it's Monday...and you know how those can be!